My Favorite Emails – Part Two

Okay, masagua fans (all one of you).  Here it is, part two.  This is more from Alan.  This is really incredible.  Yes, people like this really do exist in the world.  Again, it just seems okay with everybody.  One of the main themes of this email is Alan blaming me for my Dad’s lack of money.  Classic!  This email has been edited for length.

<begin email>

Josh,

I waited to respond until today out of respect for your schedule.

Your father and I live with the mistakes you made every day.  Because of interest on credit cards and delayed payments, he is still paying in so many ways for the drug deal you made in Louisville and the college you were thrown out of in Yellow Springs.  He was already in debt in a huge way from the divorce and he [sic] and Pat’s life together( do you even know what the settlement was? What he did to keep you in his daily life?)  It isn’t any of my business other than it affects our lives today.

Your father gave you so much and at every turn backed you. And now you say for once?  I found it funny that you included that because I’ve always said he never backed me up when it came to you!

<…>

I don’t control Floyd. We have a great relationship and you KNOW in your family it’s the strongest and longest.  He isn’t taking a side by attending your graduation.  I wouldn’t think of trying to influence to try to punish you.  Grow up.  You have a doctorate and you still use this kind of childish response?   Like saying, “maybe we should have shamed her or beaten her, too, would that have made you happy?”  God, emotionally you must be like 12.

Don’t say that all I think about is money.  I could say the same thing to you because you’ve cost your father so much of it.  Do you realize he drives a 17 year old car that the paint is falling off because he can’t afford to have it painted, has little money for clothes, not much of a retirement and STILL has to work two jobs at the age of 57 to try to keep his head above water.  Our expenses here are minimal for Florida, his share of our expenses has ALWAYS been modest. He has NEVER had to pay more than what a modest apartment would have cost.   Because of his financial situation we can’t travel, we can’t enjoy luxury that normally goes with the aging process. Don’t blame me.

So if your reference to not responding to your feelings has to do with little connection from Floyd and I [sic], again, I am NOT controlling him.  I do remind him about birthdays, anniversaries, visiting you, calling you.   It is a bit frustrating because NO ONE ever knows what MOOD you’ll be in.  You can call and sometimes your [sic] talkative and sometimes you make it very clear that you don’t want to talk and you aren’t nice about it.

This is one of those times that people make excuses for your rude and selfish behavior.  I’ve been listening to these excuses from your family members right from the beginning.  It’s always been about YOU.  Keeping YOU happy.  Tip toe ing [sic] around the house because YOU stayed up and drank too much the night before.  Avoiding talking about something vital because YOU will explode. ( NOTE previous email)  Keeping secrets from the Boyds so they won’t know everything about YOU.

God and Delta airlines willing, your father will attend and love and support you like he always has.  ( we made the mistake of buying our tickets from Delta and didn’t realize about the possible pilot strike).  At your request, I’ll stay home.  Please remember while you are celebrating that it was the love and support of Pat, Floyd and Morag and ( probably the Boyds ) that got you there.  It wasn’t just Josh.

I love you.  I hate it when you act like this. This email has concentrated on the wrong things you’ve done and why I couldn’t let your attempt to control my actions go without comment because of all the horrible things you have so selfishly done that affect our lives even today.

<…>

I do recognize all the positive things in your life and the changes you’ve made for the good.  I sincerely hope we can be friends again someday. That will be up to you.

Alan

<end email>

Oh my God, it just gets better, doesn’t it?  You all owe me a beer the next time I visit you.  And send Alan a thank you for lightening your day.  Lord have mercy…